I love control.
I crave it.
Almost as much as power.
Over the last month, I've spent quite a bit of time in Joplin working some recovery mojo. It's been a great, but hard time. God's amazing and miraculous grace, mercy and love has been more evident to me during this time than any I can remember in the recent past. I can't escape hearing, seeing and feeling God's presence around me daily. Yet, it's been incredibly difficult. Difficult to see and share in people's burdens as they have no place to live, lost all their belongings, and lost all sense of security and normalcy.
But, what's probably been the most difficult for me is the lack of a controlled environment. I like order. I like making order out of chaos. I like knowing (read: having control) over when I go to bed, what and when I eat, where I'll work, who I'll talk to, what I'll watch/read, etc, etc, etc. Consequently this has happened...
OH yes! Every single team that has walked through these doors has brought boxes and boxes of cookies. I can't stop myself. I love me some double stuffed oreos and chewy chips ahoy! LOVE them! Add to that the fact that I'm eating out basically twice a day means way too much fried food and too much food in general.
I long to be back home where I can control my environment better. But then I think... That's not the solution. I need to be controlled by the Holy Spirit so that when I can't (and when can I ever) control my environment, I do not sin in my eating.
Oh God, bring me to repentance!
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